I recently attended a wedding of a close cousin, also someone I
literally grew up with. I’m not particularly sappy regarding weddings
,as a rule. that is. Unlike a lot of people- women that I know I don’t
get teary eyed when the bride leave with a finality in the wedding car
with her groom. I’m a mushy, sentimental person but when it comes to
weddings I’m much more practical- I mean really-the bride will quite
possibly be staying close to her parents, in the same city or probably
lived apart from them for years while working, earning her keep. Its SO
NOT a big deal! Maybe in the Victorian days, the leaving home, the
wedding was a sentimental and epic event. But now, I genuinely believe
its just a new start, something that should be a happy affair, a natural
progression into growing up and settling down, nothing to make much of a
hullabaloo about. But well, life has a curious way of shocking you when
you least expect it. This wedding was one of those events.
Over the years, I have attended countless weddings, of people I barely know, couldn’t care less about, as a bystander at the wedding party. But this particular wedding was a close family affair, the wedding of my closest aunt’s daughter- a family whose struggles and triumphs, I have identified with, witnessed intimately and been personally affected by. When my aunt cried during the dance with my sister-the bride, I felt myself embarrassingly tearing up, needing to comfort them. Maybe because of the realization that they are somewhat closer, the bond somewhat more special. I know the backstory, the probable reason of the tears, the secret smiles and what will follow them- all of which made the incident more touching. But more than everything else, I realized acutely throughout this wedding that what really connects us, any of us is something common that we share- something that connects me with my sister (the bride) who is 5 years older (and who I wasn’t all that close to during our childhood), my sister – in law who’s all the more older (and whose genuine toast I silently appreciated) with my father and mother raised in a different time, in a different city and in a completely different manner-In the case of our two families what connects us is how freaking emotional we all are- how much the small moments mean to us, how the happy occasions become all the more precious because unlike a whole lot of people at the wedding we were unbearably aware of what lead up to it.
For me my parents are my confidantes- a fact I unabashedly admit to- they are my rocks of Gibraltar, my sense of identity comes from them. As a person I tend to push people away- I tend to keep a strong and unwavering hold on only a select few who scratched the surface to my heart and stayed through all the odds during my course of my relationship with them- handled my mood swings, loved me with my flaws and recognized and appreciated my loyalty through tough times and more. The reason family has always mattered so much to me is because my personality is an extension in some form of them- my mood swings have been inherited from my father, my desire to be non- judgemental comes from my easy going, easily likeable, bubbly mother, my stubborn attitude elders in the family have told me I’ve inherited from my maternal grandfather who has more good qualities to his credit by the way, from my maternal grandmother I have inherited the ability to let go and smile through all odds- she’s been phenomenally independent through old age, countless surgeries, body troubles, et all. I’ve also been told by many that I resemble in looks my other grandmother who I never got the privilege to meet but lives through the stories I just can’t get enough of, through the way my father’s eyes always glaze with nostalgia and something more when conversation turns around to her. The fact is that while friendships are precious and important, they require nurturing and time to build, the foundation for blood bonds however gets laid down over decades- through common genital defects, personality similarities and stories exchanged over the years
What I’m getting to in my roundabout way is that weddings have a way of bringing to the surface these invisible bonds- how if there was a catastrophe, god forbid, my hand would outstretch to my parents to help, the other would follow my brother and from the scores of people at the wedding, very few would actually be a priority, An aside- I tend to prioritize a lot as I’m growing older- not everyone makes the cut. My time, my heart is too damn fragile and limited to extend to everyone- some people just matter more, their memories of me and mine of them are part of a massive life picture, not easily forgotten.
Wedding don’t make me sappy as a rule- this one did pretty much at every turn- one memory melded into another, jumbled up also in countless anecdotes, reminiscences . Through it all, I realized again and with great certainty that what make any of us who we are- is predetermined, we are all branches of people who came before us, a story that had been told and lives through us. During a toast at the cocktail ceremony of this wedding, in my characteristic awkward way, I tried to put across my point- I said- before I begin to talk about the bride- I’d like to talk about my aunt, my favourite aunt because essentially everything that she is- strength personified, multitasking genius, strong support system all of it she has passed down to my sister- (P.S. we were never as close growing up- older sister and brothers can be hard to connect to when you are younger but the bond that I feel with her now (maybe mutual?) is stronger as there is much to more to share, find in common with)- every thing that she will be in her married life or that she has been so far is because she was raised with the best principles, the love for animals encouraged or tolerated, the cuddles and love for family which will undoubtedly endear her to all in her new world- (read: new family). She was raised to be her mother’s girl, her father’s darling- an extension of them and the others she shares this familial bond with- what makes her HER
Over the years, I have attended countless weddings, of people I barely know, couldn’t care less about, as a bystander at the wedding party. But this particular wedding was a close family affair, the wedding of my closest aunt’s daughter- a family whose struggles and triumphs, I have identified with, witnessed intimately and been personally affected by. When my aunt cried during the dance with my sister-the bride, I felt myself embarrassingly tearing up, needing to comfort them. Maybe because of the realization that they are somewhat closer, the bond somewhat more special. I know the backstory, the probable reason of the tears, the secret smiles and what will follow them- all of which made the incident more touching. But more than everything else, I realized acutely throughout this wedding that what really connects us, any of us is something common that we share- something that connects me with my sister (the bride) who is 5 years older (and who I wasn’t all that close to during our childhood), my sister – in law who’s all the more older (and whose genuine toast I silently appreciated) with my father and mother raised in a different time, in a different city and in a completely different manner-In the case of our two families what connects us is how freaking emotional we all are- how much the small moments mean to us, how the happy occasions become all the more precious because unlike a whole lot of people at the wedding we were unbearably aware of what lead up to it.
For me my parents are my confidantes- a fact I unabashedly admit to- they are my rocks of Gibraltar, my sense of identity comes from them. As a person I tend to push people away- I tend to keep a strong and unwavering hold on only a select few who scratched the surface to my heart and stayed through all the odds during my course of my relationship with them- handled my mood swings, loved me with my flaws and recognized and appreciated my loyalty through tough times and more. The reason family has always mattered so much to me is because my personality is an extension in some form of them- my mood swings have been inherited from my father, my desire to be non- judgemental comes from my easy going, easily likeable, bubbly mother, my stubborn attitude elders in the family have told me I’ve inherited from my maternal grandfather who has more good qualities to his credit by the way, from my maternal grandmother I have inherited the ability to let go and smile through all odds- she’s been phenomenally independent through old age, countless surgeries, body troubles, et all. I’ve also been told by many that I resemble in looks my other grandmother who I never got the privilege to meet but lives through the stories I just can’t get enough of, through the way my father’s eyes always glaze with nostalgia and something more when conversation turns around to her. The fact is that while friendships are precious and important, they require nurturing and time to build, the foundation for blood bonds however gets laid down over decades- through common genital defects, personality similarities and stories exchanged over the years
What I’m getting to in my roundabout way is that weddings have a way of bringing to the surface these invisible bonds- how if there was a catastrophe, god forbid, my hand would outstretch to my parents to help, the other would follow my brother and from the scores of people at the wedding, very few would actually be a priority, An aside- I tend to prioritize a lot as I’m growing older- not everyone makes the cut. My time, my heart is too damn fragile and limited to extend to everyone- some people just matter more, their memories of me and mine of them are part of a massive life picture, not easily forgotten.
Wedding don’t make me sappy as a rule- this one did pretty much at every turn- one memory melded into another, jumbled up also in countless anecdotes, reminiscences . Through it all, I realized again and with great certainty that what make any of us who we are- is predetermined, we are all branches of people who came before us, a story that had been told and lives through us. During a toast at the cocktail ceremony of this wedding, in my characteristic awkward way, I tried to put across my point- I said- before I begin to talk about the bride- I’d like to talk about my aunt, my favourite aunt because essentially everything that she is- strength personified, multitasking genius, strong support system all of it she has passed down to my sister- (P.S. we were never as close growing up- older sister and brothers can be hard to connect to when you are younger but the bond that I feel with her now (maybe mutual?) is stronger as there is much to more to share, find in common with)- every thing that she will be in her married life or that she has been so far is because she was raised with the best principles, the love for animals encouraged or tolerated, the cuddles and love for family which will undoubtedly endear her to all in her new world- (read: new family). She was raised to be her mother’s girl, her father’s darling- an extension of them and the others she shares this familial bond with- what makes her HER
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