Of Weddings and Revelations: What gets passed down over the years….and binds us all

I recently attended a wedding of a close cousin, also someone I literally grew up with. I’m not particularly sappy regarding weddings ,as a rule. that is. Unlike a lot of people- women that I know I don’t get teary eyed when the bride leave with a finality in the wedding car with her groom. I’m a mushy, sentimental person but when it comes to weddings I’m much more practical- I mean really-the bride will quite possibly be staying close to her parents, in the same city or probably lived apart from them for years while working, earning her keep. Its SO NOT a big deal! Maybe in the Victorian days, the leaving home, the wedding was a sentimental and epic event. But now, I genuinely believe its just a new start, something that should be a happy affair, a natural progression into growing up and settling down, nothing to make much of a hullabaloo about. But well, life has a curious way of shocking you when you least expect it. This wedding was one of those events.
Over the years, I have attended countless weddings, of people I barely know, couldn’t care less about, as a bystander at the wedding party. But this particular wedding was a close family affair, the wedding of my closest aunt’s daughter- a family whose struggles and triumphs, I have identified with, witnessed intimately and been personally affected by. When my aunt cried during the dance with my sister-the bride, I felt myself embarrassingly tearing up, needing to comfort them. Maybe because of the realization that they are somewhat closer, the bond somewhat more special. I know the backstory, the probable reason of the tears, the secret smiles and what will follow them- all of which made the incident more touching. But more than everything else, I realized acutely throughout this wedding that what really connects us, any of us is something common that we share- something that connects me with my sister (the bride) who is 5 years older (and who I wasn’t all that close to during our childhood), my sister – in law who’s all the more older (and whose genuine toast I silently appreciated) with my father and mother raised in a different time, in a different city and in a completely different manner-In the case of our two families what connects us is how freaking emotional we all are- how much the small moments mean to us, how the happy occasions become all the more precious because unlike a whole lot of people at the wedding we were unbearably aware of what lead up to it.
For me my parents are my confidantes- a fact I unabashedly admit to- they are my rocks of Gibraltar, my sense of identity comes from them. As a person I tend to push people away- I tend to keep a strong and unwavering hold on only a select few who scratched the surface to my heart and stayed through all the odds during my course of my relationship with them- handled my mood swings, loved me with my flaws and recognized and appreciated my loyalty through tough times and more. The reason family has always mattered so much to me is because my personality is an extension in some form of them- my mood swings have been inherited from my father, my desire to be non- judgemental comes from my easy going, easily likeable, bubbly mother, my stubborn attitude elders in the family have told me I’ve inherited from my maternal grandfather who has more good qualities to his credit by the way, from my maternal grandmother I have inherited the ability to let go and smile through all odds- she’s been phenomenally independent through old age, countless surgeries, body troubles, et all. I’ve also been told by many that I resemble in looks my other grandmother who I never got the privilege to meet but lives through the stories I just can’t get enough of, through the way my father’s eyes always glaze with nostalgia and something more when conversation turns around to her. The fact is that while friendships are precious and important, they require nurturing and time to build, the foundation for blood bonds however gets laid down over decades- through common genital defects, personality similarities and stories exchanged over the years
What I’m getting to in my roundabout way is that weddings have a way of bringing to the surface these invisible bonds- how if there was a catastrophe, god forbid, my hand would outstretch to my parents to help, the other would follow my brother and from the scores of people at the wedding, very few would actually be a priority, An aside- I tend to prioritize a lot as I’m growing older- not everyone makes the cut. My time, my heart is too damn fragile and limited to extend to everyone- some people just matter more, their memories of me and mine of them are part of a massive life picture, not easily forgotten.
Wedding don’t make me sappy as a rule- this one did pretty much at every turn- one memory melded into another, jumbled up also in countless anecdotes, reminiscences . Through it all, I realized again and with great certainty that what make any of us who we are- is predetermined, we are all branches of people who came before us, a story that had been told and lives through us. During a toast at the cocktail ceremony of this wedding, in my characteristic awkward way, I tried to put across my point- I said-  before I begin to talk about the bride- I’d like to talk about my aunt, my favourite aunt because essentially everything that she is- strength personified, multitasking genius, strong support system all of it she has passed down to my sister- (P.S. we were never as close growing up- older sister and brothers can be hard to connect to when you are younger but the bond that I feel with her now (maybe mutual?) is stronger as there is much to more to share, find in common with)- every thing that she will be in her married life or that she has been so far is because she was raised with the best principles, the love for animals encouraged or tolerated, the cuddles and love for family which will undoubtedly endear her to all in her new world- (read: new family). She was raised to be her mother’s girl, her father’s darling- an extension of them and the others she shares this familial bond with- what makes her HER

Of Life's many mysteries- a farewell note of sorts..

I had been putting off saying anything about my time in Pune, farewell and all those compelling but clichéd topics that plague every college going student's psyche right around the inevitable going away for good moments. Something happened today though, something surprising and unnerving and frankly a little heartbreaking- that also became a great incident to sum up and put in a whole my experiences of life in Pune. I am the less than even a little- street smart girl who goes all guns blazing, enthusiastically into places and experiences which don't always make for the most perfect  AFTER stories. However Pune coming here, studying here were all good solid decisions which I’ve not regretted for even a second- all the jumping into things that has happened here has only made for fond memories, for safekeeping and to cherish forever.

“People are just nice here”, a cousin (who’s lived in Delhi much of her young adult life- a key detail not to be overlooked) and who had recently graduated from an institute in the city told me before my first year of law school but being the cynical, take no one and nothing at face value person that I am, I attributed her unbelievable level of love for the city to the usual collegiate withdrawal symptoms and farewell blues. I realized an year into classes here- she was totally speaking from the heart. It’s been said of Germans that behind their gruff and distinctly not pleasing to the ears speaking style, they are actually quite friendly. I feel Mahrashtrians are afflicted by a similar contradiction (correct me if I’m wrong and I’m willing to be criticized for this definitely no expert comment)- they have a crude and almost confrontational style of speaking, from auto drivers, the college kakas to the one good broker (brokers as a breed are blood sucking rodents and pretty much suck anywhere in the country- make that anywhere in the world- not that I know about the world but i bet I'm right) to finally the subject of my note- my gruff sounding, frowny faced, aged landlord who uptil now I thought hated me with a vengeance and stereotyped me as one of those girls from the north who are up to no good.  How little I knew and how little we all do really, when making our snap judgments which are more often than not based on very little evidence and broad generalizations. I’ve never really gotten to know this man and never really had to interact with except for the few and far in between times he has come to check up on the bathroom plumbing, to take away his old furniture from the spare room, accompanied I’d like to add here with his sweet faced bespectacled wife who reminds me of my own maternal grandmother and helped each time in thawing my frosty assessment of her husband. Today I felt like I knew him or a version of him- understood what he is/was all about (I do NOT bullshit) He came to the flat today- two hours back to be precise, unannounced which does not happen ever- hes nothing if not decorous in his behavior and always informs atleast an entire day in advance and at a reasonable hour- hell always call early evening or morning-(an aside- maybe it’s a generational thing- my broker whos perhaps a 6 years older than me always drops unannounced, rings the bell till even the bell is frustrated never leaves his shoes at the door- isn’t that a mahrastrian thing too?- and calls anytime between 10- 1 for completely pointless reasons.) But I digress. He rang the bell, was escorted inside by my flatamate, made his way to my room, knocked on my door and when I opened- this is what he said- with tears or water or something visibly glistening in his eyes- beta come whenever u want, back here and stay,rent key bina stay and mil key jaana ok, be happy, nothing is more important  than that- being happy. (An aside- maybe I’m a sucker and I am….kind of but I feel myself tearing up even while writing this.)

Ive made some friends in pune ,lost some friends and messed up  some relationships royally. I’ve also hardened myself in the process while also resigning myself to the fact that things always happen for a reason and its literally NO BIG DEAL. My aged landlord who walks with a crutch and a frown on his face is no friend of mine but this last day before I leave the city for good is bizzarely enough the person responsible for bringing out all the nostalgic memories id been bottling up and honestly burying for a while. He made me realize quite acutely that the urban lifestyle is best suited to unexpected friendships-like the completely random way in which I met my first friend in pune who later became a bitching buddy while we dealt with and handled the same broker for 2 years, discussed how we missed smalltown life and do u know anyone whos looking for a roommate discussions. Nothing connects two people more than a common enemy, commonality of experiences and adversity. Or the first pg mate who won me over with her adorable sindhi-ness and the only person who has a nickname for me- one I actually like or the other equally memorable pg mate who was a rock for one eventful year of pg life and who bonded with me over a shared dislike of our uncommonly, unlikable landlady. Not to mention the numerous other college friends- all of whom were befriended in completely random ( I apologize for the over use of this totally apt word) ways- over sharing of tng worries, in a random French class unrelated to college curriculum etc. 

Finally, if I had to, HAD to chalk out the most important life lesson from the many learnt while living "alone" in this city I would say I learnt how incredibly mysterious life is- how unpredictable, how things just magically happen without any warning- friendships have a way of just fading into oblivion, new friends just unexpectedly enter your life-maybe they were meant to (ignore the sappiness if you're not similarly inclined).  Through it all, there’s the charm of never knowing how you're going to end up and who will make it to the end with u. like my landlord- god bless him- said the goal really is just to be happy. 

(P.S. Maybe I'll come back and take him up on his offer- an offer for an unlikely friendship perhaps- we can ALL use all the help we can get to get thru life right? Right?!)