India. Dangers of stereotyping.

For the longest time I considered myself particularly neutral in my reaction to situations, news articles et all. However being a law student who prides herself on being a firm believer in the right of free speech and generally the right of equality, I go through periods when certain news items bring me to a boiling point of angry emotions. The only way I can then deal with my conflicted and disturbed heart is take it out in the form of a piece of writing. Before I formally talk about what I recently read that forms the rough subject of my post- I thought giving a brief background is only fair to enable my readers to understand my point of view better.
I am and Indian girl, very, very proud of my ethnicity and proudly wear it on me even when I get out of the country. I feel like people who are naturally inclined to judge/ hate will do so irrespective of my efforts to hide myself (read: when in Rome, do as romans do- never really believed in this saying) and act like something I’m not- change the way I talk, dress to “fit in”, be understood etc. Isn’t it more normal the idea- that as humans beings we are not meant to fit in- we are all incredibly different- the world is not a puzzle its more practically a maze- exciting, unexplored and unique- the idea of fitting in therefore has never appealed to me. For one semester in college, I had a marketing teacher- the coolest teacher I ever got to learn from incidentally and she used to say this one thing- how consciously or unconsciously we are ALL just selling ourselves daily to the world and if we were more aware of this fact we would sell ourselves more authentically. I never quite contemplated her words but now more so than ever believe in selling the most authentic, real, not forced version of myself to the world- ethnic clothes, jewellery et all.
Last year, I got a chance to go on an exchange programme to the US through my college for a short one month summer school course- I took an additional 2 weeks after my course ended- to travel around- visit a college senior in NYC- meet an old school friend in Miami etc. And through it all, I told myself that there was no way in hell I’m going to hide who I am- wore my bindis, nose ring- passed down through family- its party of my cultural tradition- and make it look COOL. As an aside, India as a country is made up of a mosaic of many different states with different languages, cultural diktats etc. – I’m a Kumaoni from a state in the North of my country, speaking a language totally different from my school friend who hails from a western state speaking the language Gujarati. Anyway, I realised that initially the looks I got in subways, cafes etc. unnerved me but later ,when people actually noticed me positively- an African American stunning and incredibly stylish girl actually complimented me on my unusual and attractive fusion of east and west- bindis, nose ring, black sports, shoes, shorts and hair tied in a bun with an Ikat print scarf (Ikat is a print from the Indian state of Gujarat also practised as a textile art in some South American countries. ) was when I realized how even the smallest of actions can make huge impacts in the long run. Perhaps if I had let my self consciousness compel me to blend in by wearing the usual New Yorker unform of bland and boring (in my opinion) black I would have not experienced this surge of pleasure on being considered different and unique- since when does differant equal outcasted or unattractive.
On the other hand, during my month long summer school course in my interactions with the other students, I didn’t play down the fact that I’ve grown up watching American TV shows, movies, idolised stars, listened to rock AND pop music and have a pretty substantial AND embarrassing knowledge of American Pop culture- like who Demi Moore is dating right now, the first movie Lindsay Lohan starred in. I watch my own movies and criticize campy and sappy romantic movies- both Hollywood and Bollywood too by the way. The point essentially is I was trying as hard as I could to be MYSELF. As a country I feel India is a hard sell- yes there’s garbage, repulsive and depressing poverty, bigoted attitudes but then there are all kinds of people too, people like me who grew up with immensely chilled out and progressive thinking parents and on the other end of the spectrum parents in the country who still believe their daughters should get married before they turn 25! Some of these girls are girls I went to school with and I JUST DONT GET IT! Not that there is anything wrong with early marriage- they weren’t forced- they just sort of went with the norm and now post happily married pictures on facebook with their hubbies- I’m gagging while writing hubbies- I still feel like a kid and then there are girls who tag their HUBBIES in pics in honeymoon pictures on beaches snuggling etc. The overflow of PDA aside, its just surreal to be married before you’ve even started a job or looked around at what the world has to offer- men and the rest.
My point through this angry and possibly incoherent rambling is its hard to figure out things when you close yourself to the alternative- basically stereotypes are dangerous and destructive- just as people and personalities are complex so are countries and cultures- and the more you believe in the obvious – due to lack of exposure, the image sold by television shows etc (One of the many reasons- I DO NOT WATCH shows like Outsourced or The big bang theory- the nerdy brown kid token actor thing is so overwritten- People need to open their eyes a little bit and if they HAVE to stereotype- find some new and original stereotypes) the more these opinions are voiced and then the more they;ll multiply. I know it seems like a small thing- I could say- how can my opinion of Americans for instance- as obese, culturally challenged etc people really make a difference (BTW I have no such opinion- my closest friend currently is an American girl who came for a short exchange programme to my college and she pretty much overshadows us all in her knowledge of obscure art forms, music, theatre etc. ) but the point is as human beings we don’t live our lives in isolation-we spread consciously or unconsciously our thoughts and views.
This is a topic which I can talk on for hours and probably needs a more lengthy blog post to truly and effectively cover but for now- I think its best that I get to the subject of my post which is this weird trend of human dolls- or specifically human barbie- I saw this article while browsing through E-online and was struck with horror and disgust at both this bizarre trend if it can be called that and the views such people are perpetuating and getting mileage and their 15 minutes of fame at the same time- I have attached the link for anyone who wishes to understand my frustration better- she basically talks about her distaste of children- that is OK- i cant stand kids either and don’t really know how to communicate with them- a standing joke at my house is how when Shriya enters a room filled with babies they all start bawling or hide their faces- Whatever- however she expresses her disgust in quite a how should I put hateful manner- Anyways she goes on to discuss her disgust for mixed race marriages and how they spoil beauty standards etc. Read the entire article to possibly feel just as bewildered and disappointed as I did- disappointed in the kind of people that still exist in today’s age of massive internet exposure and travel and all that.
My personal opinion- Mixed race marriages are beautiful- the kids produced are special- with one of each kind of looks and personalities. My aunt is married to an American and settled in Australia- her kids have golden hair, lightly brown skin, almond eyes and beautiful pink mouths- i apologize for this sappy description- point is they are striking to look at- the mixture of looks makes them stand out- i honestly can get over how insanely attractive and appealing to the eye they’ll grow up to be. – A career in modelling perhaps. The obvious beauty thing aside, they know about Indian culture, can speak Hindi but also love Ameircan sports and food. I mean c’mon that IS soo cool! I wish I was a mixed race kid. By giving a voice to people like this weird-ass human barbie- the media or whoever is just spreading this infectious idea of  hatred- its mind boggling how it even stands- people travel now- a Lupita N’yongo is considered universally gorgeous- i think her skin literally lights up from inside. I can cover everything I’d like to about my issues with her post- I’d just like to say to whoever reads this to think in their head while they read my post or her insensitive article-
WE ARE BETTER THAN THIS.
I too wish to strive to be more tolerant, more open and more accepting.

P.S.- nothing against plastic surgery- all for people’s right to chose as long as they are NOT hurting others in the process

http://www.eonline.com/news/529091/human-barbie-tells-gq-she-s-repulsed-by-kids-says-mixed-races-have-ruined-beauty-standards

JAI HIND!

On this eve of Independence Day, I’m sitting in my room and reflecting on the past few months’ happenings. It is pretty clear for even one who is not in the know that Indians have had some pretty embarrassing news stories to their "credit", specially and most significantly this past year. With the inflation rate hitting the roof, women safety becoming a national and you-tube publicized issue etc etc etc, I have only ever heard fellow Indians in random discussions about the country express THEIR discontent, THEIR helplessness, THEIR anger. I wonder what has happened to their patriotic spirit. I really do and it upsets and worries me. It upsets me that we Indians are merely fair weather friends. We love our nation during world cup triumphs, during victories of international significance when our countrymen make the world sit up and take notice. But what happens to this sentiment when the country is in distress, when the world is judging us for each fault, each misstep. Why then, do we decide to side with the naysayers and consider ourselves socially involved in doing so. I have concluded that there is no time better than the present to declare to the world proudly that I LOVE MY NATION, LOVE IT WITH ITS IDIOSYNCRASIES, ITS CONTRASTS, ITS FILTH, ITS STENCH and YES EVEN WITH ITS BACKWARDNESS. I have decided to tell the world exactly why I love my country and what exactly I love about it.

As you read this, I’ll advice you to listen to Yeh jo desh hai tera swades hai tera- a patriotic song from a little gem of a movie by the name of SWADES directed by Ashutosh Gowrikar. The song gives me goosebumps everytime I hear it and the movie is in my opinion perhaps the bollywood movie which has best reflected our country in the past decade. The statement it makes is subtle but in no way quiet. It makes a point whether through the moral dilemma of its protagonist Mohan Bhargava or the various small characters that successfully bring the directors vision to light. The characters of the movie are as unassuming as the story itself. I love Gawrikar for the emotion behind it and for getting out of Sharukh Khan the most restrained and smart performance of his career.

And now for the I love India because…list

1)      I love that we Indians are known worldover for our familial bonds. I realize the intensity of this belief only when I go out of the country. Yes Indians’ love for their family may be convoluted on so many levels (Honour killing??). Our Indian telly shows highlight just as much. But it is reassuring. It is the knowledge when I travel to foreign lands that I may be far from home but never ever far from family. The concept of extended family, not the friends who are like family but the family connected by blood bonds spread all over the globe gives me the confidence to explore unchartered territories. Maybe this sense of duty is a forced one. But I do know that no friend has responded as fast to the call of distress as one aunt I’ve met just once in my life did after a particularly harrowing experience at the London Heathrow Airport.(She made the connection- Oh she's Sunil's daughter- remember Shanno Boju's sonilaw.) And this when she doesn’t even live in London but a county a few miles away. My heart beats for my father whenever I remember how he, on one particularly dreary evening in Wales, England refused a pub outing with his colleagues from the university and without even an ounce of hesitation declared to his professor- I’m sorry Mitch, I have to go back- My family is alone at home. Mitch, (bless him) had replied that it’s just a few drinks with friends- the family wont mind being without him for a few hours. But my father ever the loyal patriarch had then more assertively declared. No Mitch, I’m a family man, you young fellas go ahead. I remember that this was the moment when I realized that in addition to being MY father- he possessed the following qualities. He’s fiercely loyal, he values loyalty in others, he’s emotional, he wears his heart on his sleeve and expects the world to be just as transparent. He’s stubborn but steady. He’s stable and dependable. He is the quintessential Indian family man. My hero. And believe me contrary to the depressing picture painted by the media, magazines etc there are many many more like him in my incredible country. Yes there are horrors galore (just like everywhere in the world, perversity is not scarce) but there are examples just as substantial of those who put family above all other priorities. On my recent trip to NYC, I was met with on more than a few occasions with amused glances from strangers, people who told me quite frankly that they had never seen an Indian lady traveling alone in the city and then with a smirk and short laugh “Don’t Indians travel in hordes.” I had been unable to reply quite appropriately then and for whatever reason (that reason will be the subject of another post). I regret greatly not telling off the black tourist guide near the Empire State building who was more than a little friendly and had way to many opinions to share, opinions regarding MY nation lacking heavily in factual authenticity. (Pet peeve (major)- People who don’t know shit talking shit) I now want to express or perhaps its just my guilt raising its ugly head that I love US for traveling in groups resembling quite often a cozy wedding party. Its who we are. We do big, bold and out there better in my opinion than any other nation (Read: The Big Fat Indian Wedding- definitely not just an urban legend) We are crass more often than not, we are suckers and yes we are (lets just admit it however uncomfortable a truth it may be). I will never forget how insanely mad David Letterman’s ( who happens to be the most unfunny comic I have ever watched) question to international beauty queen  Aishwarya Rai about living with her inlaws after marriage and whether any funny business could really happen with the others’ in the other room made me. Aishwarya, in my opinion the worst and grossly unsuitable ambassador for the country had responded quite feebly and infact quite stupidly. But it irked me that HE judged Indians for living with their inlaws after marriage. And it irked me more that he considered his way, his view, the American family way to be superior.. It annoys me now that Letterman’s questions were met with applause and laughter from the studio audience. I wish I could have been next to Aishwarya then to shake her, to take her place and tell Letterman to just shove it, to put a sock in it. Pardon this random burst of irritation- It does however pave the path for my next point.

2)      I love how unashamedly emotional Indians are. We love our cricket, our movies to the point of fanaticism. It gets us in trouble more often than not. But it is a distinctively Indian feature. We take loyalty and fandom to the point of bestowing God-like status on mere mortals- case in point Indian cricketers and Bollywood movie stars or RAJNIKANTH. But it is just this spirit of crazy and extraordinary love that foreign movie stars visiting our country, foreign dignitaries and tourists in general respond to. Some may call it the highest degree of sucking-up. I call it the grandest declaration of love. Whichever way you’d like to see it determines YOUR patriotism. Yes, we tend to take the reverence to crippling heights when we provide undue patronage to US industry big wigs who are responsible for the misery of our own (read: the Bhopal Gas leak Disaster- the most significant incidence of government treachery and traitor-ism). But perhaps this is also what leads great writers etc to make the country their new home. It makes people like Gregory David Roberts pen the international bestseller Shantaram which can be best called an Ode to India’s underbelly or if you want to be nice and kind the bustling metropolis of Bombay. It makes international music artistes like Katy Perry get married to her lunatic comedian husband Russel Brand in our desert city of Rajasthan ( India witnessed celebrity behavior at its worst in an incidence of violent behavior shown by Brand towards some media persons).

3)       I wonder why these white skinned delicate beings from alien lands chose to even visit an incredibly hot tropical country like India, is it the lure of the presumed mysticism associated with India or are they like Roberts running away from prison hoping to remain hidden in the land of the lax laws. I’m evolved and aware enough to not hold on to any romantic notions of my nation. Lets call a spade a spade and admit that it’s a dirty, filthy, hot country with a lot left to be desired in terms of standard of living. But I don’t also belong to that group of people who enjoy a sense of passing intellectualism by berating the nation and ranting about its ills. Like my wise mother often states: Talk is cheap. I’d like to add, talk is easy as well- Just yesterday I was standing near the gates of my college (Symbiosis Law School, Pune) and saw for the nth time a water truck leaking water while men from the truck were assembling pipes. I had a close friend standing by me at the time who none too quietly "spoke out". God look at these people dude. I mean half the water goes in their lack of watchfulness. I mumbled something in agreement and then suddenly frustrated with my own inactive self went up to one of the truck men and said- Bhaiya, paani leak ho raha hai, aapko pata hai desh mein sukha pada hua hai, aap aisey paani ka nuksan kar rahe hain. Thoda soch samajh key kaam kariye na. I remember quite distinctly the amused glance the man in question had shot me followed by- Arey Madam aap apna kaam karo na, mujhe apna karney do. By that time a curious group of young adults had started ogling at the scene and struck by the hopelessness of the situation, I finally accepted defeat and left. But I left with a definite lighter load on my conscience. I realized that instead of lamenting, eloquently stating the deteriorating state of affairs, I'd finally graduated to vocalizing my angst, my views, my frustration. I’d stood up in the smallest of ways and taken action. Maybe it came to naught. But  my outburst did manage to grab a few eyeballs and if Id stood for longer maybe I would have even been able to touch a few souls. I gave up too easily and I’ll regret it for a long time hereinafter. But Im all the wiser for it. And next time, I know there will be louder words, sharper retorts and achievement of more effective action from the wrongdoers.

This leads me to the conclusion. This independence day, I plead to all those who claim to love their nation- to show it, to wear their love on their sleeve and proudly voice it. To accept the negative but never feel defeated. To crib and cry as apathy is worse than insensitivity but also inculcate national consciousness. And next time a on asking a bimbo: Toliya hai tumharey paas  and hearing her respond: OMG, who says toliya retort assertively. Wohi log jo takiya, palang, potty (not shit), bistar, etc bolte hain. U know Jo log Hindi mein vartalap kartey hain, you know jinhe apne desh key baarey mein 90210 and US state of California (LA etc) sey jaada paata hai. Jo apni matra bhasaha key shabdon ka uccharan garv sey kartey hain naaki mazaak sey. Jo apni jagrookta ki kami ko mazaak nahin sharm ka vishay samajhte hain. JAI HIND, VANDEY MATARAM. Today I pledge to defend my country’s honour each day everyday and as long as I call myself a healthy spirited part of it, today I pledge to silence the naysayers by the strength of my faith in my country and its people, today I pledge to speak in my mother tongue more than the language left behind by our colonial masters, to protect its integrity, its vocabulary, to learn to speak it right, better and practice writing it, Today I also pledge to inspire others with my bubbling passion and not let Hindi become a language we once learnt in school and never quite thought about after. I regret greatly the day I stopped reading Hindi Upanayas and more so the day I realized I lack speed when writing in Hindi. This shall change and hopefully one day so will the nation.As someone great somewhere has said- IT TAKES JUST ONE!